How To Learn To Break Free Of Fear

How to learn to break free of fear

In this recent post, I identified the importance of an optimistic mindset in living a life that is free of fear.

I’m on a mission to get rid of attachment to outcome. I believe that when we attach to outcome it does many damaging things.

  1. It results in us doing crappy work. Tons of studies back this up so hard that it’s as indisputable as one can get.
  2. It results in us doing less work. Studies show that when it comes to creative work, we do less of it if we focus on outcome.
  3. It results in us becoming less motivated because we feel that we lose our autonomy.
  4. We stop enjoying the work that we used to love.
  5. Life gets stressful and joyless.

If you think about it, you’ll find examples in your own life that ring true.

Have you ever gone for a test and performed much worse than you normally do?

Have you ever put something off for as long as possible because you were doing it for the wrong reason?

Have you ever felt resentful of targets that others had imposed on you? Even when they’re telling you to do work that you enjoy?

Have you ever felt like you’ve lost touch with the thing you love to do? Because you’re striving to reach more fans, more listeners, or get more money?

Have you ever twisted out of shape by trying to get someone to like you?

Attachment to outcome is the enemy of joy, ease, connection, and great work. But it’s hard to break with because it is bound up with a fear of the future.

I spotted that optimism and pessimism play a big role in this dynamic. I saw this even more during my recent illness. So I came up with a daily challenge to help us learn how to be optimistic.

The problem is, I didn’t actually do it. Did you? It was just too arduous. It was one of those exercises that would work if I did it. But it seemed to be devised to ensure that I never would.

Such things only work if we do them. Many life changing exercises seem to miss this obvious truth. We need to create techniques that we can incorporate into our lives. Otherwise they’re useless.

As a result, my initial attempt was useless.

So here’s my edit. I can do this one. So can you. It’s much quicker. It will still help you practice the skills of optimism. You’ll still have a ratio of five good things to every negative.  It just won’t take all day to do.

So here’s the updated exercise. (The initial exercise is at the bottom of this article. You will need to read it to understand how to explain things optimistically.)

Day 1: Pick a bad thing. Then pick a positive thing. Explain them both using an optimistic narrative.

Day 2: Pick one good thing and explain it optimistically.

Day 3: Pick one good thing and explain it optimistically.

Day 4: Pick one good thing and explain it optimistically.

Day 5: Pick one good thing and explain it optimistically.

One of the best ways to improve your life and live in the moment is to free yourself of attachment to outcome.

I’m not there yet. Most of us aren’t. I’d like you to take that journey with me. Share your results.

Alun Parry is Director of The Liverpool Psychotherapy Practice

1 thought on “How To Learn To Break Free Of Fear”

  1. Pingback: The Ultimate Don't Give A Shit Five Day Challenge - Alun Parry

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